Aug 13th 2008 7:00AM by Matt Snyder (author feed)
Filed under: Bears, Raiders, AFC West, NFC North, NFL FansThat’s right. You read the headline correctly.

As a Bears fan that sat through Adam Archuleta’s futile attempt to play football last year, I have to put my foot down. The Raiders signed him today … as a linebacker? You have to be kidding me.

Sure, he was once a good — at best — player. So was Donnell Woolford. He hasn’t collected paychecks in the NFL since 1997, which is about as long as it’s been since I played football. Did I play in the NFL? Of course not. I am, however, just as qualified as Adam Archuleta to be compensated for attempting to play football.

Want proof? Let’s go to the proverbial tale of the tape:

Size
Archuleta: 6′ 223 lbs.
Snyder: 5′8″ 165 lbs.
Advantage: Me, of course. I’ll be really sneaky instead of stomping around like a Clydesdale out there.
Experience
Archuleta: Seven NFL seasons, age 30.
Snyder: High school … making me quite the unique American, also age 30.
Advantage: Think about all the wear and tear he’s put his body through in seven seasons of the brutal grind. I’m fresh, baby. Sitting around at home blogging keeps a body fit. A spry thirty, to say the least.

Speed
Archuleta: No way he can break five-flat in the 40.
Snyder: Despite having a surgically repaired ACL, I could without breaking a sweat.
Advantage: You know the drill by now.Continue Reading