I'll start by giving mine, and then I'll submit a list of what I want.

To Bears GM Jerry Angelo,

A beautiful envelope, and inside is a simple note. It says: "Draft me a quality wide receiver or leave town."

To Bulls GM John Paxson,

Two tickets to the upcoming Final Four. Also included are some instructions. They are: Please locate the hungriest players on these teams. They should be able to shoot, dribble, score, rebound and play defense. And by the way, don't skimp. Looking at your roster, you're going to need about 10 of these guys.

For the vaunted Bears defense,

We have ... a mirror. I would like all of you to look into it, and you'll see: one Pro Bowler. Yet, there's like eight guys getting paid like a Pro Bowler. Hmm, you're generally older, slower and less aggressive than years past. The Minnesota, Tampa and Atlanta losses are on you guys. Happy friggin' holidays.

Look at this, Kyle Orton.

It's a new deal. Yes, you can play. Yes, you can stay. We'll get you some help -- in fact here you go -- it's a couple of offensive linemen to go along with Chris Williams. Enjoy.

For the Cubs,

I have a box. In it is something called "a pair." A pair of what? It doesn't really matter. Just remember this when you get bounced from the playoffs because nobody on your team can grow a pair.

For Ozzie Guillen,

It's a book, a children's book. It's called "Excuse Me! A Little Book of Manners!" It's real easy to read. I expect you to have the basics memorized by Spring Training. And then forget them because it's too much fun!

To Hawks president John McDonough,

It's a map of Chicago. Included is this note: "Congratulations, you guys are back on the map, we've missed you." Also, make the playoffs or else.

Now for my list:

I want only the best: players, coaches, GMs, organizations, facilities. It's still the best sports town in the country -- I think we deserve it.